I will lose my cell phone at least twice a year.
That’s me. That’s who I am. It’s best if you just consider it one of my endearing flaws.
In stores now, so go buy that shit today!
Just curious…
How much would it cost to have Christopher Walken officiate our wedding?
Shower Sequence
I take longer to get ready. Therefore, I take the first shower. This is simple but important math. If you interrupt this order without warning, you run the risk of throwing the entire universe out of alignment.
If we do Memorial Day Weekend right,
we won’t remember a thing.
A Rational, Intelligent Argument
I don’t mind having one. I don’t even mind losing one. I only mind if you don’t know how to make one.
Domestic Partnership
If gay marriage still isn’t legal by the time we get married, then fuck it. We’ll just enter into a domestic partnership. Why should we get to take advantage of rights that aren’t equal?
Midnight Snacks
It’s late. You’re hungry. Feel free to climb out of bed and raid the fridge, but hurry back, because I guarantee you’re not gonna find anything as delicious as my pussy.
Nipple Time
You better know what time it is.
Unplugging
Are you a doctor on call? Didn’t think so. No texting, twittering, or tumblring during couple time.
Travel and Vacation
are not the same thing.
